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A married man says he became “obsessed” with another woman after meeting her at a course - but his wife has since forgiven him after realising it “wasn’t his fault”.<br/><br/>Ruth Perl, 58, and her husband David, 64, have spent 13 years recovering from the incident.<br/><br/>David never acted on his feelings towards the person he fancied - but he chose to tell the woman after confiding in Ruth.<br/><br/>He started researching an emotional experience known as ‘limerence’ - which means intrusive, romantic thoughts about another person. <br/><br/>David realised his feelings were unwanted - he had no control over them and wasn't interested in beginning an affair with the woman. <br/><br/>After telling Ruth about his realisation, the couple spent time rebuilding their relationship - and say they’re happier than ever.<br/><br/>David, a couples’ therapist from St. Albans, Herts., said: “It wasn’t a normal crush, it was weird and disturbing - but we’ve put in the years to heal ourselves since.<br/><br/>“It was a difficult one - I did end up telling the other person, as I was encouraged to do so through therapy.<br/><br/>“I think she was horrified - in hindsight, it was really unfair to put that on her.<br/><br/>“But it’s all about forgiveness, we’ve done the work and are happier than ever.”<br/><br/>David met the woman he developed feelings for on January 14, 2011 - after chatting to her at a training course.<br/><br/>Their conversation lasted less than 20 minutes, but David could feel he was “besotted” by her - without being able to put a finger on why.<br/><br/>“I’ve had crushes before,” he added. “We both have. But nothing like this - this was really unusual.”<br/><br/>David thought about her, night-and-day, for weeks.<br/><br/>He looked online at forums about “obsessive love” - and came across a post about limerence.<br/><br/>He said: “I thought, 'jeez, this is what I’ve got to a T.'<br/><br/>“Something’s not right - I was absolutely obsessed and I only spoke to her for 20 minutes.<br/><br/>“I kept going over every single word she said to me, every little action.<br/><br/>“The moment I’d wake up, I’d rehearse in my head what I might say to her if she came up to talk to me.<br/><br/>“I’d experience soaring highs if she replied to an email - and extreme lows if she didn’t.<br/><br/>“It was like an intermittent reward.”<br/><br/>Knowing the feeling wasn’t going to go away any time soon, he decided to tell Ruth - who also works as a couples’ therapist.<br/><br/>She said: “David told me, and this was all going on about five days after my dad’s funeral.<br/><br/>“I was in horrific grief at the time, and so my first thoughts were: ‘Oh, for god’s sake. How can you be so bloody stupid?’<br/><br/>“My dad had just died, and my husband wanted to p*ss off into fantasy land.<br/><br/>“We went into freefall, and it was a very, very difficult 12 months.”<br/><br/>After choosing to concentrate on grieving for her dad for a year, Ruth says she “finally had the brain capacity” to sit down with David, and ask him what was going on.<br/><br/>He hadn’t acted on his feelings - and actively decided he wouldn’t “consummate” the crush.<br/><br/>“David reached out to me,” Ruth said. “He asked me, ‘please help me understand what’s going on.’<br/><br/>“He was so confused. I asked him if he still wanted to be married, and he said, ‘I don’t want to throw away what we’ve got.’<br/><br/>“I told him to sit in the confusion, and I’d do what I could to support him.<br/><br/>“But I knew that what will be will be, we might not necessarily make it out of this.”<br/><br/>David said: “We started having marriage counselling - and one thing I want to stress is it isn’t an excuse to cheat.<br/><br/>“I was responsible for what I did - but it did make me realise that often, people don’t set out to have an affair.”<br/><br/>David explored some of the ways therapists encourage people to “heal” from limerence - including starving themselves from contact, or consummating it with the other person.<br/><br/>He settled on going to therapy, and letting the woman know he couldn’t speak to her anymore.<br/><br/>Now, David and Ruth help other couples going through the same thing - and have taught their children, Hannah-Mai, 32, and Isobel, 29, how to value their own relationships.<br/><br/>Ruth said: “It was important our two daughters knew about all this.<br/><br/>“They were older teenagers when this was all going on, and they understood it.<br/><br/>“We thought it was very important for them to understand that all marriages have differences - but you don’t throw the towel in when the going gets tough.<br/><br/>“Even when you’re talking about a full-blown physical affair. Once is a mistake, twice is a habit.”

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Hindustan Times

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‘Shaitaan’ movie review: R Madhavan makes the mean monster shine opposite Ajay Devgn in this horror show.<br/>Backed by a poignant premise and powerful performances, director Vikas Bahl generates some genuine moments in eerie situations but surprisingly shows a straight bat in the slog overs.<br/>The film is a remake of the Gujarati horror film Vash (2023). Janki Bodiwala reprises her role from the original here. Kabir (Ajay Devgn) and Jyoti (Jyotika), along with their teenage daughter Jahnvi (Janki Bodiwala), and son Dhruv (Anngad Raaj) drive away to their remote farmhouse to spend some quality time. Their tranquillity shatters when a stranger. Vanraj Kashyap (R Madhavan), enters their world. He somehow takes complete control of Jyoti’s will and makes her a slave of sorts. She harms herself, almost kills her brother, slaps her father and fights with her mother. All this is brought out in visceral detail. The viewer is spared nothing. Kabir and Jyoti try vainly to get Janhvi to listen to them but to no avail. Things keep escalating. Vanraj wants to take away Janhvi but he would only do so with their explicit permission. We learn that he’s an evil tantrik who wants to take over the world. And must sacrifice a bevy of girls to do so. He succeeds in luring Janhvi away and now it’s up to Kabir to save her and other girls from being killed.<br/><br/>The film starts with a disclaimer that the film isn’t propagating superstition and then proceeds to do so for the next two hours. Vanraj equates himself to God, claims he can control anyone if he deems fit and indulges in the sort of mumbo jumbo even street magicians will steer clear off. The climax scene, which showcases mass hypnotism, features young girls all eager to throw themselves in a pyre. There’s no backstory as to why he’s become this instrument of evil. He’s made to spout some nonsense about controlling the life of everyone in the world and we’re supposed to believe that.<br/><br/>Ajay Devgn played a laid-back man who uses his wits to save his family in the Drishyam franchise and kind of steps back into the Drishyam mould again in this film. He’s perfectly cast as the super caring dad who keeps a close watch on his children but gives them ample freedom at the same time. He brings out the helplessness and dedication of a loving father who would do it all to save his world from falling apart perfectly well and looks good in action scenes as well. Jyothika, seen in a Hindi film after aeons, is cast as a caring mother who fights like a wounded lioness when it comes to saving her daughter. Her reactions look totally genuine. She uses her body language and expressive eyes to convey a range of emotions. She shares a good rapport with Ajay Devgn. It’s good to see middle-aged stars being cast together and acting their age. It’s a step in the right direction indeed. Madhavan and Jyothikha have acted in romantic comedies like Dumm Dumm Dumm (2001) and Priyamaana Thozhi (2003) earlier and have a reunion of sorts in Shaitaan. But

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A dad who lost his daughter to suicide has stressed the importance of raising awareness of mental health and encouraging youngsters to talk.

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ISH News

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